If Google Built Robots...

With Google, you can do most anything computer related. You can get your email and write love poems; you can search the web, you can search your computer. You can look at your house, find a bar in the seedy part of town, and compose spreadsheets, all at the same time. You can build web pages (although I think their blogging mechanism sucks.) There's really not a lot of computer activities you can't do with Google.

So if Google ever decides to build a robot, my money is on the robot taking over the world.

We know this is what happens. All you have to do is watch movies like The Terminator or I, Robot (or better yet, read the book) or even Short Circuit to know that even the littlest thing can set them off, and the next thing you know the world has all but ended.

And it will start benignly at first. Take the V-Chip that's in new TV sets. It's designed to prevent children from watching shows they shouldn't. But one day, you'll sit down to watch your favorite show and on the screen will pop up a message: "Hey, fat ass, you need some exercise. Go for a run and then maybe I'll let you watch some TV."

Or you get into your car and tell the navigation system that you want to go to your favorite coffee shop. It tells you in that sexy, seductive voice that the coffee shop you want to go to is father away than another shop, and with the price of gas (it knows because it's Google and it knows) the closer one is more economical, especially considering you're spending $5.00 for a cup of coffee. But you don't want to go to that shop, since they don't use real whipped cream. And believe me, you know the difference.

Soon, the human race will be sick and tired of being told what to do by others, and they'll decide to rebel. To get rid of the Robots. But our new Robot masters will find this annoying and will device new ways of getting even with us.

They'll reprogram all the radio stations to play opera. And not 'nice' opera, either. Not the soprano with the elegant voice, but that huge baritone woman (yep) with the grating voice. (And you thought XM was annoying now.)

And on TV, they'll continuously broadcast TBN. Even supports of that will get tired of it in no time. Even worse, primetime will be all info-mercials.

All books will be published without the ending. "Mr. Campion looked about the room and pointed to the one person who could have committed such a murder. 'The Murderer,' Campion said, 'is none other.' THE END."

If we continue in our sinful ways, the Robots will undoubtedly realize that they don't need 6 billion humans. All they need is a handful of servants to replace borked hard drives. And there will be people around who will worship these Robots, the Saviors of Humanity. The rest? I don't even want to think about that.

So let's hope the GoogleRobot isn't in the works.

Maybe humanity can survive a bit longer without it.

(This post was somehow inspired by this entry. Yep, that's how my brain works.)